You know where he’s going?  Camden.

You know how he got free entry before 21:00?  He put himself as ATTENDING here: https://www.facebook.com/events/220315564723953/

So just to reiterate:

RIDE with Neon Highwire (live) Broken Jam, Filthy Few & Friends + Stripes Burlesque…!

“A sexy, equestrian vibe full of breathtaking surprises and twists in which you can expect a hotspot for all of London’s music lovers. Including unique live performances, fetish, burlesque, stilt walkers, angle grinders and acrobatics alongside a residency from Filthy Few and celebrity-filled guest DJ’s, you will never fail to be entertained.”
Saturday 11/02/12 19.30 – 02.30

Proud Camden, The Horse Hospital, Stables Market, Chalk Farm Road, Camden Town, NW1 8AH

£10 if you don’t flag as attending here: https://www.facebook.com/events/220315564723953.

Some things that have come up lately:

• You can hear Bear At The Bus Stop on the podcast Capt Jelly Bean & His Wacky Astro Pals.  No idea which episode though, but recent.  Recent, yes.
• Neon Blink used on some Rockstar Wrestling vids.  Seemed only a matter of time before that collaboration happened in some form.
• An Xmas remix of our track FantasyLand by Novelty Music Scene which you can listen to here: http://soundcloud.com/noveltymusicscene/terrorzone-novelty
• Our ten fav albums of 2011 and our ten fav songs of 2011.
• A Fat White Family (name of a band) are a bunch of tossers who stole a keyboard stand and a guitar strap from us.  If you ever see them on a bill, please go ahead and glass them in the face*.
• Loads of stuff I wrote on http://www.neonhighwire.com.

If you don’t wanna flag yourself as attending on Facebook, send us an email to email@neonhighwire.com and we’ll get you added to the free entry list.  That’s right, you’ve got options.

Here it is on last.fm too: http://www.last.fm/event/3159018+Ride

Steve.

 *Not really, violence is never the answer.  Though it would be nice to get our stuff back

This man may be part of the burlesque troupe.  You have been warned:

Thanks to all who came down Friday to our show at The Purple Turtle in Camden.  A Fat White Family (feat. ex members of The Metros) did all they could to get into the gossip pages of the NME, but alas, their alleged flacid masturbating on stage and fighting with bouncers wasn’t enough to gain that coveted space.  The revolution will not be televised.  It’ll be on Youtube:

This is how we roll:

What the hell is up with that?  What, just because we haven’t made a film? Jesus effing christ, do I look like a bag of twats?  Because they’re talking to me like I’m a bag of twats.

Anyway, in order to cleanse ourselves of the shun of the ILUMINAZIs which control the internets (thanks David Micke), we are instead playing a show with so much awesome piled with so much awesome that there is no room left for ham.  In fact, if the awesome were stacked up like in a game of Tetris, then it would all disappear as the row would be full.  Full of awesome.

You may still be wondering if this is something you want to become part of your life (like a pint of idiot), so to give you a balanced view on whether or not you should do this, here are a list of pros and cons.

Pros:

Friday night baby!

Neon Highwire baby!

Is Tropical & Black Daniel baby!

Close to the tube baby!

They have a bar baby!

Special guests baby!

Cons:

Justin Bieber could technically attend in theory.

Anyway, here are the cold hard facts:

Date: Friday 27th January 2012.

Location: Purple Turtle, 65 Crowndale Road, London, NW1 1TN.

Nearest Tube: Mornington Crescent (Northern Line).

Opening Hours: 20:00 – 04:00.

Price: £4 advance, £5 on the door with a flyer.

Lineup: Is Tropical (DJ), Fugue B2b Bogart, Black Daniel, A Fat White Family, Neon Highwire, Bow Mods, Ozonna, The Mannakings, You Me And The Moon

Consider the herring.

If not harvested for its body or its eggs, can hope to be used as bait to aid the slaughter of its brethren, whether friend or foe.

Consider the herring.

Blighted by pollution in the only atmosphere it knows for existence caused by those who feel not the impact of immersed dependency.

Consider the herring.

From phytoplankton to zooplankton, you are what you eat, shielded from the dangers of sight by feeding at night, there is no glory in your toil.

Consider the herring.

Destroying the shackles of its oppressive existence and growing a pair of arms and legs cos that’s what they do and then being all badass and being able to breathe on land like some sort of muscle man going to see Neon Highwire at The Purple Turtle one week today!  Fuck the Turtle, the herring exists within YOU, and your hollow shell of a borrowed alias.  This is the time of the herring.  Who is laughing now, Mr Shell?  Though never born purple, that is what you shall be remembered as until the sign is bleached by sun and the revelry is nothing but a story on a fanzine.  The herring moves onwards, from strength to strength.  With madwickedfresh dancing styles that know nothing of roll mops, know nothing of sushi and know nothing of their ancestory show incredible verve as they pop, they lock, they throw down the fucking electric boogaloo like it is no thing as to render their rapid evolution a secondary point of discussion.

“Boy those fish can dance” you will say, “boy those fish can dance!”.

SILD.

I’m salivating so much that I need braces just to keep my denchers in.  WHY?  It’s nothing to do with Judi Dench, or a basement filled with her illegitimate children that she likes to call her “Denchers” in a vain attempt to pretend that she hasn’t enslaved her own offspring and forced them into a life of low-in-Vitamin-A, high-in-sexual-abuse drudgery, and in fact has a team of pallid, flaky, unwashed lodgers living down there because they are afraid of dragons, which are a scourge of the area surrounding the Dench household  (a 4.3km radius) – in case you were wondering.  (She hasn’t done that, I don’t think).

NO!  It’s because in just 3 sensual weeks, on Wednesday 14th December, we will be gracing the stage of 93 Feet East on Brick Lane once again to make your ears dribble happy love dribblings.  Gosh darn it, you are SO FREAKING LUCKY.

Here’s some stuff about it and things so that you can tell some friends and their pets and their naked friends.  NOW GO AND CLEAN YOURSELF OFF.

Jinkies.

Here’s some INFORMATION ABOUT THE CHUFFING GIG.  Love eggs xxxx

People of the world, SPICE UP YOUR LIFE
Every boy and every girl SPICE UP YOUR LIFE

Etcetera.

HAI SPICE FANS! As you know this is the mailing list of THE SPACE GIRLS and this email is your one-stop-shop for all the possible SPOSS GRILLS information that you will need from now until TWO THOUSAND AND THE TWELVE!!!!!1

Firstly, being Preggers Spice as I am (voted #7 in the public poll for favourite SPRATS GREEB member in 1942, as featured in popular music magazine THE RADIO TIMES), I am the most qualified to use bold, caps and multi colours when I tell you that:

THIS SATURDAY the SNEEN GRIWARES will be playing at PROUD CAMDEN in their LONGEST EVER SET OUTSIDE OF THEIR REHEARSAL STUDIO.

As has every other set since the history of history, the set will feature me, Preggers Spice as well as other Radio Times favourites Alopecia Spice and MarryBanilow Spice.

If you want to get in on the EXCLUSIVE NEON SHAREWARE GUESTLIST which gives you free entry before 20:30, then reply to this email POST HASTE.

Some observations I would like to make about Proud Camden on a Saturday:

1. If you are on the guest list, no doubt you will feel very special, however usually the guestlist queue is far bigger than the everyone else queue and so if you really want to feel special, reassess your life goals.
2. The bar prices made me take out a mortgage. There is actually a Santander advisor booth within Proud allowing people to borrow up to four hundred katrillion drachma as long as you have a passport.
3. This event is sponsored by HARIBO, and by sponsored I mean not sponsored at all, but I will be throwing Haribo into the crowd during our set. BETTER WEAR A DRESS, HEY?
4. People there are better looking than me and make me feel inferior in every way. I combat this through the warming effect of self urination. The peni s mightier than the sword, no?
5. The night is s**ytime themed, and will feature pro burlesque dancers such as LARRY HOTPOT and GERTRUDE HARVESTER of the famous snuff-tainment show X-FACTORY.

Here is a synopsis of X-FACTORY as copied from WIKIDPAEDIA:

“X-FACTORY is a British television competition to find new felching talent. Created by Simon Cowell, it began in Septembruary 1404 and is contested by aspiring sadists drawn from public auditions. It is the originator of the international X-FACTORY franchise. The seventy four series of the show to date have been broadcast from December/January through to December. The show is produced by FremantleMedia’s TalkbackThames and Cowell’s production company SYCOtv. The “X-FACTORY” of the title refers to the undefinable “something” that makes for star quality. The show is broadcast on the ITV network in the United Kingdom and TV3 in Ireland, with spin-off behind-the-scenes show The Xtra FACTORY screened on ITV2. The X-FACTORY was devised as a replacement for the highly successful Fist Idol, which was put on indefinite hiatus after its second series, largely because Cowell, who was a contestant on Fist Idol, wished to launch a show which he owned the television rights to. The perceived similarity between the two shows later became the subject of a legal dispute which was settled when everyone involved caught swine flu and died.”

Some lovely words about our last show from Never Enough Notes online HERE.

Moustache Flash was a smash, our thanks to everyone who came down, some photos will be making their way onlines soon thanks to some snapperoo work by the frankly awesome Katharine Collins who is better at arm wrestling than both Jim Dippie & Steven Morgan (scientific proof available), though at time of writing, I’m not sure if a Lukebattle has occurred.

A drum

A drum

A drum

Another drum

The bass

The bass

The bass

Fucking neighbours.

Wrote another poem for y’all, that one took even less time than the last.  NEW PB!

Been seeing all the ruckus about Moustache Flash and wondering “But is this for me? I need to know more about El Crazilibre aka Darren Keen”.  WELL WANT NO MORE, MY FRIEND, FOR HERE IS AN INTERVIEW I DID WITH DARREN!  More hot links than spiked drinks.

I’m good to you people, TOO good you could almost say, but you don’t cos you loves it rough.  Much like Brian Clough, but unlike Hilary Duff.

Before before there was before

And before that we’re not so sure

When folk talked about days of yore

And we didn’t know about Al Gore

Mother mother, gentle mother

Art thou so different from the other

A light so bright you run to cover

More wrong than Die Hard without Danny Glover

That is my poem about Climate chango written over the course of the last twenty six seconds.  That’s deep man, deep till it hurts.

In more jovial news, you can win tickets for our upcoming show with The Show Is The Rainbow which I’ve been banging on about so much lately that I’m starting to get sick of my own voice, but if you aren’t there then you are LITERALLY DEAD TO ME LITERALLY (yes, that is a threat on the lives of the majority of the world’s population*).

So let me help you live.

1. CLICK ON ANY FUCKING WORD IN THIS SENTENCE AS IT’S ONE BIG LINKY LINK LINKERSON.

2. FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS TO WIN TICKETS TO THE SHOW ON POPULAR MUSIC AND MOUSTACHE WEBSITE NEVER ENOUGH NOTES.

3. BUY TICKETS ANYWAY COS YOU PROBABLY WON’T WIN, YOU UNFORTUNATE TROLL.

*In case some psycho reads this, I am not really going to kill everyone or anyone UNLESS IT’S WITH KINDNESS, THEN I WILL BLUDGEON THEIR FACE IN WITH IT.